On Turning 27 and Being Afraid

I’m afraid of many things. Both consciously and subconsciously. Over the years, I’ve worked at listening to my intuition, my soul, my internal compass, the gut feeling that stirs beneath layers of trauma and corporeal instincts. I have come to believe that my life purpose can be divined from the voice of my intuition. My “innsæi”.

I’ve recently arrived at a new developmental juncture. I turned 27 this december (it snowed on my birthday!!!), and began to have a late quarter-life crisis. Not a negative one, a thoughtful one. I reflected on my short legacy and decided that if it were to continue, I would like to see some improvements, mainly in the realm of fear.

me, as a babe, making something amazing.

I’ve faced a handful of fears over the years, although for the most part, I just tried to get by with as little pain as possible. If my innsæi was grading me, it would give me a solid B+. Recently, though, in a series of tumultuous life events, I have been informed of my limitless nature, and to ignore it would be, frankly, disrespectful.

To step into it is not comfortable, but ignoring it would be even less so. I know now, and I can’t unknow unless maybe I get amnesia. I don’t know how my intuition would handle amnesia.

Anyway, that is why I am here now. Writing. Creating something with my hands and letting it live in reality as a testament to my innsæi.

I’m listening, and I’m letting my fears envelope me because I have listened to my innsæi long enough to know I will be ok.

On a less psychological and dramatic note, I began learning pattern making this week, and it’s been an excellent, infuriating, and most rewarding experience. I’m not making any promises because I do not claim to know where my life will lead, but the perfect climbing pants are in motion :)

Love,
Maddi M.

p.s. you are limitless